Posts Tagged ‘People’
Steps to Success 2: How does our self belief affect our chances of success?

If you have a burning desire to be, do or have something and you’re not working towards it, chances are you’re being held back by a lack of self belief.
Most successful people acknowledge that self belief plays a big part in their achievements. At a very superficial level this makes a lot of sense for why would anyone attempt something if they didn’t think they could succeed?
However, if this thought is carried to its logical conclusion it would mean that successful people never take any risks and this is clearly not the case.
Some of the most successful people I’ve met are those who, at some point in their lives, lost everything. They put their success down to the fact that they already know that if things go wrong, they will cope and come back to fight another day.
And yet, through lack of self belief, most people consistently choose unhappiness over uncertainty. You can prove this for yourself. Just ask everyone you know (including yourself)
“What would you do if you knew without doubt that you could not fail?”
Then ask, “So why aren’t you doing it?” The answer is always, “Because it MIGHT fail”
We do less than we could because what we fear most is our imagined failure.
People who have experienced real failure don’t fear it anymore. They know it won’t kill them.
There’s a lot of talk about what we learn from failure, but the real lesson, the most important lesson, is self belief. When there’s nothing else left – we learn to believe in ourselves.
If we only get confidence and self belief from our successes, we are out of luck when we fail. We need to get resilience and confidence from both success and failure.
The worst thing is letting this fear get the best of us and not even giving something a good shot and then ending up in between – not achieving what we want yet not completely failing, as we didn’t really try.
“We’re hoping to succeed; we’re okay with failure. We just don’t want to land in between.”
–David Chang
Go back to your own definition of success: When you are successful how will you ‘be’? What will you do? What will you have?
What is stopping you from being, doing and having what you want? Whatever it is, imagine for a moment that you’ve been given the wrong information; that the messages that imply that your endeavours will result in failure were really meant for someone else and that you should have got the one that said, “It doesn’t matter whether you succeed or fail, what matters is that you try. No harm will come to you from trying.”
Now go and make a start.
Whether you prefer the ubiquitous slogan “Just do it” or the more esoteric quote sometimes attributed to Goethe “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it”, please know that self belief grows from experiencing both success and failure and, safe in this knowledge, you can now go and build your self belief, your self confidence, your self esteem and your chances of success.
This is part two of our Steps to Success Series. A discussion on the subject can be found on LinkedIn here: http://lnkd.in/CpFtke Details of all the 12 Steps to Success can be found here
Get More with Less
Getting more done with less stress, effort and frustration is what many business owners wish for.
At a recent presentation, Steve Hoare (Management by Reflection), explained why, if we want to grow a business, have a home life and enjoy what we do with the minimum of stress, it is important to spend our time doing the things we are good and learn to appreciate the contributions made by people who have different strengths to us.
To illustrate the point, members of the group were asked to put themselves into one of three groups that they most identified with while acknowledging that there may be some crossover.
The Blue Group identified most with the words:
Thinking, creative, problem solving, strategic, discerning, self starting, single minded.
The Yellow Group with:
Inclusive, mature, communicator, diplomatic, co-operative, enthusiastic
The Red Group with:
Challenging, dynamic, action, perfectionist, reliable, efficient, conscientious
Each group was given the same task and assigned an observer.
The idea was to show what happens when people with the same strengths work on a task, compared to when people with a whole range of strengths work together.
The result is that people adapt to fill the gaps but usually feel uncomfortable in these roles. This is OK for a short while (our experiment only lasted for ten minutes) but the longer it continues, the more the cracks begin to show.
The ensuing discussion focused on the importance of not seeing the absence of a particular type of behaviour as a weakness but on playing to people’s strengths.
It is equally important not to let the ‘weakness’ become a crutch or an excuse, e.g. “What do you expect? I’m this type of person not that type.”
In terms of identifying the people most likely to produce the best results we often look for skills first followed by personality but profiling the behaviours needed to complement a team can often improve the way everyone works and reduce the stress, frustration and effort while getting much more done in less time.
There is a huge amount of research that shows that we are really poor judges of others and relying on ‘gut instinct’ is the worst possible way to select people to work with.
When employing people, Steve recommends the Belbin Team Role profiling tool be used along with a suite of other tools for assessing personality and aptitude. Many tools on the market have no scientific validity so it is best to check this out and use an accredited practitioner to analyse the results.
Any double about the value / cost ratio will be quickly dispelled by a calculation of what it costs to make the wrong decision!
How to be happy
Why do we need to know how to be happy?
Why is happiness so important? Are we born happy and then lose it? What has happiness to do with business success?
I recently became aware of a number of business owners who work such long hours that they neglect all the things that make them happy, except their work.
Because I believe that most of our best ideas come to us in the downtime when we are playing or relaxing, and because I believe that we are all so much more than our businesses, this bothered me a bit so I decided to conduct an experiment.
I asked people to list ten things that they DO that make them happy and then to schedule into their diaries every day something they looked forward to doing and then actually DO them.
Over 130 people shared their lists with each other on-line and about 30 turned up for a meeting to discuss their ideas on happiness, led by philosopher John Turner (www.metathink.co.uk)
These are some of the ideas the people in the group expressed:
To be happy we need to focus our minds, not drift along without being aware.
To be happy we need to be in the flow with an absence of distractions
To be happy we need to be creating and doing
To be happy we need to feel valued – by ourselves as well as others
Happiness is our life’s purpose and nurturing friendships is a major part of this
We need a verb: “to happy” (apparently, in ancient Greek, there is/was)
On one thing everyone was agreed: If there was a machine that could make everyone happy all of the time, we wouldn’t want to turn it on. There are times when we need sadness, and happiness is something to be worked towards.
The second part of the experiment is still ongoing but these are my own thoughts on happiness:
“Happiness depends on ourselves.”
2500 years ago, Aristotle enshrined happiness as a central purpose of human life and a goal in itself.
2500 years later neuroscientists came to pretty much the same conclusion.
The Nature of Happiness
Despite the fact that many human beings live their lives believing that they will be happy if they get everything they want, both ancient and modern wisdom shows that this is far from true. Tests show that we are notoriously bad at predicting what will make us happy (or unhappy) and we prove ourselves wrong time and again. Rich people are not happier than poor people and yet much of our society is geared to the pursuit of material possessions and fleeting pleasures.
There is a school of thought that says that happiness cannot be pursued or sought and we just need to be open and wait for it to alight in our lives but this too is disputed by both philosophy and science. This is because happiness is not something that can be gained or lost in a few moments, like pleasurable sensations. It is about the ultimate value of a life, measuring how well we have lived up to our full potential as human beings.
Aristotle tells us that the most important factor in the effort to achieve happiness is to have a good moral character — what he calls “complete virtue.” He argues that virtue is achieved by maintaining the balance between two excesses – reminiscent of Buddha’s Middle Path.
Neoroscience shows that happiness is inextricably linked to the faculty of attention.
Attention systems that lack focus or have become habitually trained on feelings of poor self worth or criticism lead to emotional states that are out of control and lead to anxiety, depression and other distressing states. Studies show that contemplative practices such as meditation are wonderful ways to train the brain into new habits of paying attention to subjects or feelings that enhance self-worth and strengthen new neural pathways.
The language is different but the message is the same.
Happiness takes effort.
Aristotle advocates the education of the whole person, including one’s moral character, rather than merely learning a set of skills. He taught that developing a good character requires a strong effort of will to do the right thing, make difficult decisions, not give in to immediate gratification and that through training and practice we can achieve our full potential and the enrichment of human life.
Neuroscience shows that we can change our brains, not by intervention with medication or stimulants but by practicing new thought patterns. The basic structure of our mental life is habit and, just as we strengthen muscles in our bodies by practice, so we do the same with our brains.
Qualities we admire in others, e.g., kindness, generosity, humour, patience, compassion are not innate qualities but are skills that we can learn with practice until they become new habits. If we admire these qualities in others we can aquire them for ourselves by paying attention, repeating behaviours and becoming the kind of person we most want to be.
So, happiness is about human flourishing and thriving not about feelings of pleasure and it is an activity rather than a state.
What does this have to do with business?
Building a successful business, especially when you are working alone, requires great discipline. Doing the right things at the right time, even when we don’t feel like it, making difficult decisions, turning away from the quick fix in order to stick to a long term plan, staying focused on a task, being mindful, keeping the promises we make to ourselves are all important.
If the pursuit of happiness is about human flourishing and thriving, applying the same principles to business can only be a good thing. Happiness is not something we take time off to do and then feel guilty about, it becomes both the reason and the way in which we do everything.
Rather than say “I’ll be happy when ….” (I’ve got to x turnover / this job is finished / that client is satisfied / I have some reliable staff), and recognising that these things are not what makes us happy and that we don’t have to wait for them to happen, creates the freedom to make the pursuit of happiness an habitual activity that leads to real fulfilment of our potential as human beings.
Take part in the experiment
If you would like to take part in the happiness experiment simply schedule into your daily activities things that you DO that will make you happy and then DO them and share your ideas with the rest of the group either by leaving a comment below or on the LinkedIn discussion here: http://lnkd.in/4MM6ca
Always
Whenever something “always” happens to you, you can relax. Because it means that you are completely in charge of that situation.
Always late? Hmmm, let’s see now… From near or far, summer or winter, rush hour or not, alone or with others and to various destinations, and you “all-ways” manage to neutralize all of the variables so that you arrive late.
Again.
Just managing on the income you have? Hmmm, let’s see now … prices go up, prices go down. Things go on sale, appliances wear down and break. Cars need repairs. And so on. Yet you just just manage to get by on your income.
Again.
NOT managing on the income you have? Hmmm, let’s see now… Are you always managing to be down a certain amount of money each month. And then something happens to make up the difference at the last minute
Again.
People always treating you in a certain (un)acceptable way? Hmmm, let’s see now.. that would be old people, young people, good people, people you hardly know, people with different backgrounds and so on. What do they all have in common? You.
Always you.
You are so flexible that you can actually stay in the same state. You neutralize all the variables in an unconscious way. So unconscious that you don’t even realize the subtleties of you own actions. Yet there is simply no denying the repetitive-ness (and effectiveness!) of your own actions.
Always.
Choose one of the more obvious “always” things in your life. Determine the benefit of continuing it. Then give yourself that benefit (without judging!!) and that “always” will vanish.





