Posts Tagged ‘Emotions’
Being passionate about your business is a good thing – right?
I know lots of people who are passionate about their business. It’s a good thing and no more than I would expect from the people I mix with, given that most of them have chosen to do what they do.
However, I am constantly puzzled by the need that many folk have to “tell” me they are passionate about their business. Maybe you are one of them.
Telling me you’re passionate doesn’t do a thing for me.
Would you tell me you are funny in order to make me laugh or say that you’re sexy in the hope I might introduce you to a friend looking for a fling? Would you start a business conversation by telling me you’re honest?
No? I thought not. So why tell me you’re passionate about what you do?
Do you think by declaring your passion that I’m more likely to buy from you?
Here’s a newsflash. I’m not – and neither is anyone else.
Your customers don’t care how you feel about your business
Actually no-one cares how you feel about your business. Its just not relevant. You could be bored to death by it but if you supply what people want at the right price they’ll buy it.
I understand the whole thing about buying decisions being emotional ones but its the customer’s emotions that are in the equation not yours. How you or your product makes them feel is important but will your declaration for being passionate affect their emotions?
No – and here’s why:
This is from Jeremy Marchant http://www.emotionalintelligenceatwork.com I’ve edited his words slightly for context.
Jeremy says: ” … it is a mistake to believe that, if you tell me how you are feeling, that is a conversation at a feelings level, at the level of emotions. It’s not. It is a rational, “thinking” conversation.
A description of how passionate you are about what you do is not an emotional experience for the listener. It is a factual monologue, which will have the inevitable consequence of keeping them in their thinking mode, NOT getting them into their feelings – in other words it precisely does what you don’t want it to do!
The way out of this impasse is … to convey your passion by HOW you talk. How you are. “
In other words, its better to let people see and feel how passionate you are than to tell them!
Getting people to connect with you on an emotional level is the key to any transaction but simply telling them how you feel doesn’t work.
Don’t tell me – show me
If you want me to buy from you, stop telling me you are passionate and start demonstrating your conviction that you have the solution to my needs.
Businesses are driven by process not by emotion
There are millions of businesses that make money without anyone investing any emotion into them. In some ways, its better to be detached and make the right decisions logically that to be so emotionally involved that your judgement is clouded.
Passion is a great thing to have in your life but it doesn’t have to be invested in a business in order to make money. Of course, for some people, the ideal situation is to turn your passion into a way to make a living but there are those who prefer to keep them separate. The important thing is to recognise that what works for you and what works for the business may not always be the same thing.
I’ve been saying for some time that there is no such thing as B2B or B2C only P2P (Person to Person)
These are some extracts from a blog by Rick Segal in Forbes Magazine (original here: http://blogs.forbes.com/gyro/2011/06/16/b-to-b-has-ceased-to-be/) that say it much better:
B2B has ceased to be.
Death was inevitable when people began carrying their telecommunications and computing power with them. From that point “The Firm” lost its place as the organizing principle of business marketing.
If we really want to influence business decisions, from now on we have to reach and persuade the real seat of power, the individual. The customer is not a corporate entity, but an independently minded, highly connected, always-emotional human being. This individual is not only ascendant, but empowered and amplified.
Ninety percent of business decision making is emotional.
The new arena for business communications is now far bigger than the workplace. This is because work is no longer a place, but a state of mind. The connectedness of modern life sees no boundaries between work and home. It’s all part of the work-life continuum.
If we want to reach, persuade and engage business decision makers, we need to understand this “@ Work State of Mind” as completely and intimately as we can, so that we can ignite the emotions that cause decision-makers to shout, “Yes!”
Oh dear, poor you. You’re having a hard time, your business isn’t going well and life is so unfair and you have a lot to deal with.
This sympathy is free, there’s no obligation to return it and it’s offered in all sincerity. I’d offer you some tea to go with it but I can see you’ve already had lots.
Now, how do you feel? Understood and supported? Good.
But here you are still feeling bad and I can see that every time someone asks you how things are you feel that pain all over again. Could it be that the more you focus on your difficulties the worse you make yourself feel?
Anyway, that’s more than enough sympathy now. What you need is some encouragement.
Your business doesn’t have any emotions. It responds to action. Take the right actions and your business will flourish. Expect it to sit and wait for you to ‘feel like’ taking action and it won’t.
If fear has you in its frozen grip, sympathy won’t get you out of it. Even the tea won’t melt it. Only action has any effect.
If you can’t think straight, DO something.
Consistent action, doing the right things at the right time, is what gets us what we want but until you figure out the right things to do, do something anyway. Action has a 50% chance of getting the right result. Inaction has none.
I’m sorry you’re feeling bad. Really I am but what are you DOING to change things?
“Be seductive” the man said. “Use your voice, your eyes, your body to seduce the person you’re talking to. Make them WANT to get to know you better.”
“Most importantly”, he added, “Remember, it’s not about YOU! To be interesting you need to be more interested in the person you’re talking to than in yourself.”
“THE man” was @SteveTrister and if you haven’t seen him perform, you’re missing out big time.
Steve was entertaining a bunch of business owners and at the same time giving them invaluable tips on how to get the best out of the networking experience. His performance was brilliant; full of really funny observations about all the ways to alienate people and how to be really engaging and not just spout a tired old elevator pitch.
He put particular emphasis on being aware of the emotions we create in others and how to make real connections. Steve’s performance was great and the interactive session where he got people to practice was lively and seemed to get good results.
A few minutes later we went back to networking and the carapace of the seasoned networker slammed firmly back into place. I know habits take more than a few minutes to change but hell’s teeth, even the most unaware person in the room couldn’t have missed the main message:
IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU!
Yet here we were with myopic men peering at chests to read name badges to decide whether (chest notwithstanding) someone was worth talking to, instead of making eye contact and simply saying, “I’m Bill, who are you?”
No attempt at small talk, not even the slightest interest in the person (again, chest notwithstanding), only in the business they run.
If “What do you do?” was banned from the vocabulary, most serial networkers would be struck dumb.
Well pardon me folks, but I am more than my business. If I start a conversation with “I like your tie / necklace / hair colour / codpiece” or “What’s the wine / canapés / cocaine like?” I don’t expect the response to be “What do you do?” followed by (and usually without pausing for breath), a lengthy description about your business.
I’m looking for banter, rapport, a bit of fun, an exchange of ideas.
If I just wanted to know what business people are in I can get that from the attendance list. The reason for going to networking meetings must surely to meet the PEOPLE not the businesses, to discover if they’re funny, quirky, boring or obnoxious.
I WANT to be seduced but it seems like there’s fat chance of that ever happening.
Be honest now, how many times have you come away from a networking meeting having been totally fascinated and charmed by someone, irrespective of whether their business is of any interest to you?
Which is a shame because I’m sure in ‘real life’ most networkers are charming and fascinating and they know equally charming and fascinating people but we’re all missing out on those extended connections because we never get further than “What do you do?”. No one has a real conversation because they’re too busy looking over each other shoulders to see who they’re missing.
Whoever invented the term “Working the room” should be sent to networking purgatory. You won’t find Steve Trister there – he’ll be too busy having fun and making people laugh!
If you want to learn how to give a high impact, influential and memorable message every time you speak, take a look here: http://www.performancedynamite.co.uk/
Interestingly, Twitter seems to amplify the habits that people display in other networking arenas. Before I follow someone on Twitter I check out their tweet stream to see if they sound interesting, if they interact with others and have a bit of fun. If they just broadcast endless one-way messages, and especially use repetitive auto tweets I generally don’t follow them. Auto tweeting is like sending a recording to a party and expecting to pull! If networkers displayed their Twitter name on their contact details it would make networking much easier – there’s no where for the boring, self important types to hide!
What do you think? Am I expecting too much? Are we people first and businesses second? What would happen if, instead of asking “What do you do?”, we asked each other “Who are you and what are you interested in?” Are YOU a seductive networker? Tell me below ……
Who has power over you and how do you use your personal power?
Power and success seem to be inevitably entwined and yet successful people are the first to acknowledge that the most important part of this is to learn how to have power over themselves.
Self mastery of thoughts, emotions and actions are more important than any power we have over others.
There is much complexity behind power. Why do people comply with power? What motivates people to allow others to have power? It might be the promise of riches, a share in the power, or meeting other personal needs. It might be part of a plot to form a coup to wrest power from the incumbent.
From the reasons for compliance we learn much about personal motivation and reward.
What are the positive uses of power in business? What examples do you have of its use in creating success?
What obstacles do you face in the pursuit of success?
made it to Silver Medallist in the World Championship Stick Fighting competition. He was already British Champion and fully expected to become World Champion.
Undeterred, he entered the competition the following year and ended up as….. Silver Medallist again.
The experience of ‘not quite making it’ is one that resonates with many people, especially those who start their own businesses.
What is interesting is what we choose to do about it.
Do we settle for less or do we explore other ways to get what we really want?
Do we stick with what is comfortable or push ourselves into those places where we’re not quite sure what might happen?
One of Andy’s physical demonstrations showed quite clearly that when we focus on a problem (a weakness) rather than on a solution we can expect a very different result.
Try this exercise:
Choose which of these is most important to you:
Health Freedom Security Success Comfort Adventure Contribution Loyalty Knowledge Intimacy Honesty Power Love Passion
When you have done that, go back through the list and choose the second most important and then the third – make sure you write them down.
Now look at this list and choose which one you take care to avoid experiencing at all costs:
Frustration Depression Humiliation Rejection Guilt Failure Loneliness Anger
As before, go back through the list and choose the second and the third emotions that you would take care to avoid experiencing.
Now compare your lists.
If there is a conflict in the things you seek and the things you try to avoid you will experience difficulties in achieving what you say or believe you want.
Resolving these conflicts and understanding what you REALLY want is the key to success (whatever that means to you).
Look below the surface – you’ll be amazed at what you find!
Napoleon Hill suggested that one of the things that successful people do is to create a belief in themselves that they can achieve their goals. This can sometimes mean that we need to be aware of the messages coming from our subconscious mind that can interfere with this belief and stop us from taking action.
The subconscious mind is protected
– which is usually a good thing as it contains all the things we have ever learned and we wouldn’t want to have to re-learn most of them. However, it also contains less useful things that may stop us from achieving all that we might otherwise be capable of.
Fear of failure, of taking risks, of criticism, of losing, of being thought pushy or arrogant or proud are all stored there along with beliefs about whether we are entitled to expect, or deserve, more than we already have.
Anything that comes to us through our five senses is unlikely to affect the subconscious so how do we reach and change those things that are not useful to us?
Hill suggests (long before NLP was invented) that in order to create the belief that we can have something we must imbue it with emotion, imagine that we already have it and create the experience of already having it and then – and this is the really important part – go and DO the things that are necessary to make it happen.
Vividly imagine having whatever it is you desire and experience how that will feel and what you will see, hear, taste and smell. The emotions and physical reactions caused by these thoughts are generated internally rather than coming to us externally through our senses (and could be described as non-sense) and so are more likely to escape the gatekeeper of the subconscious mind.
The subconscious has no critical faculty. It doesn’t decide whether a thought is good or bad, useful or destructive and so once the thought is lodged there it can be useful as a new belief enabling us to do things we previously thought impossible.
There has been vigorous research into how emotions cause physical reactions, how physical sensations trigger emotions and how both emotions and physical reactions can be produced by thought alone. Belief may not move mountains but it can remove limitations and control physical experiences.
One of the most popular sayings arising from these theories is that “Thoughts Become Things” and while it is undoubtedly true that this can be the case, it is also much too simplistic as simply thinking or wishing will not make anything happen and this does not take into account the completely random things that happen to people. I have seen already distressed people puzzled and hurt at the implication that they have brought misfortune on themselves because their thoughts are not positive enough. Moreover, if we all got what we focused on most of the time, teenage boys would live in a constant state of bliss!
However, that doesn’t change the fact that by creating useful thoughts and stopping less useful ones, especially around the area of what we are capable of achieving, there is no doubt that we can make life easier and more satisfying.